Unconditional bliss. That’s what I want to feel when I’m seventy-five years old sitting in a rocking chair with my old, wrinkled husband. I want to look over at my front yard and see the neighborhood kids screaming at the top of their lungs, chasing one another. I want my kids to come visit me with the few hours they’ll be able to spare. All these things are attainable, but one factor stands in the way: time. Will I get to live to seventy-five? Will I be able to sit on my front porch admiring a picturesque, summer day? Will I get to see the ones I love and hold dear to me? It’s the unknown that frightens me. It’s the concept of dreaming a dream so faultless; you can’t help but wonder whether it can happen. But I find myself often reminiscing on my life thus far and each time I recall the sources of my happiness, my desire to live without questioning the unknown dwindles. And I hope and pray that one day the fear of not knowing will disappear. When I’m that seventy-five year old woman, I want to hold the hand of the man I love and vividly recall every moment of our affection. Whether it is the good or bad, I want to cherish each second that led us to where we are today. My yearning to hold on to and relive each memory is irrefutable as it is to many others. But as I age, my memory will fail me. Once again time will have taken its toll, blurring away snippets of my life. It will strip me of memories I thought were etched into my brain. But see, even while writing this, my pessimistic, doubtful side has unveiled itself. The craving to live a life of love and happiness burns to my core, but accepting happiness when an end to such emotion is inevitable haunts me. My entire existence is going to feel like an endless journey. But I know somewhere at the end of the tunnel, I will find bliss. There are these bright lights, these positive moments in life, which simply appear. You must seize the moment and live for those instances. Each day the sun will set and the laughter, sorrow, pain, and joy of the day will disappear with it. But regardless of the emotions felt, a new canvas is presented with each coming day. I must learn to realize this journey may feel alone, but it is essential I allow myself to be susceptible to the unconditional love that fills the air surrounding me. Whether it is coming from the man I choose to marry, or my friends and family, I must leave behind my reservations of the future, and live for the moment. The clocks will continue to turn and though I see time as my enemy, it is everlasting reality and accepting its role in my life will only ease the journey I have destined ahead.
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